We are two weeks into this pandemic, and like many parents…we are ready to build our own escape room. It would be stocked with beer, and a life time supply of that fancy buffalo/caramel popcorn mixture. Most importantly, it would have to be sound proof in hopes of actually getting some sleep.
Yes, I know…I have been slacking in my blogging duties. To be fair, I have about three drafts that I haven’t finished because, well, we have 3 little ones now. Yeah, definitely not our most tactically sound decision, but occasionally they are cute and remind us why we work so hard to survive the torture.
Our second one, baby Arrow, just turned two. In that short 24 month period, she has demonstrated how significant my genes truly are. We are in trouble…Our oldest has her moments, but when she was younger, it was easy to control her mischievousness with a simple baby gate and some plug covers. This new menace of a toddler has decided that we have had it too easy for too long and wants to ensure that we are not only aware of all the child proofing possibilities out there, but also that we take it upon ourselves to test them in our household.
The Fridge:
As parents of a herd of crazy children, we expect to have certain precautions in place. Now that we have a more open concept house, we have to be locked out of EVERYTHING! First it was the danger zone underneath that contains all the lovely chemical substances. Arrow is 100% the type that would eat a dishwasher soap pack because it looks pretty. Child lock, done.
Next it was the garbage. Instead of locking it, we decided that we would just update from a flappy lid thing to the step lid. That didn’t last very long as our expert problem solver turned it into a game and was doing everything from pulling out garbage, to throwing non-garbage items away. Child lock…
The island…we bought an island for the new place to get some extra storage. Well, the crazy little girl decided that the items stored inside we better suited for the ground, and then she was more than able to crawl in there and use it for a fun hiding spot/fort. You guessed it, child lock!
Our observant little goofball then realized that the food came from the big white thing. The fridge doesn’t have a handle on it, and the delay in getting its replacement actually worked to our benefit because it took Arrow a while to figure out how to make it work. Then, we got a little extra time as she figured out the precise leverage and strength to open the door. After about 2 hours of hearing the fridge beeping because “someone” had left it open. It was no shock to find the culprit sitting on the floor, in front of the open fridge drinking a yogurt drink or eating a cheese string. Usually she would take a moment to point at the fridge and chirp at us as we approached to let us know that the fridge was making noise and it was annoying her. CHILD LOCK!
The unfortunate part about having child locks on all of these things is that they are annoying as hell! We have three kids and two adults going in and out of the fridge on a regular basis throughout the day. When the kid is sleeping, we keep it unlatched, but sometimes we forget to re-latch it and it isn’t long until we hear the angry beeping of the open fridge door.
This morning, I got up with all the kids and let my wife chill in bed a little longer. After the offspring were fed and content, I tactically re-positioned upstairs in an attempt to tag out and let my wife tag in so that I could take a shower. Once I got out of the shower, my wife was still there in bed, and we were discussing our overwhelming enthusiasm in getting the day started…until we heard it. It started as a faint beeping, but was soon only a subtle accompaniment to the chorus of small child, incoherent yelling to get our attention.
My wife went down first as I was still getting ready. I knew it was good when she reached the bottom of the stairs, looked into the kitchen and said a disbelieving and slightly defeated, “oh no…”
Yup, the kid, who was horribly bothered by the fridge that was making such an annoying noise as she was just trying to eat her morning humus, was standing there like Winnie the Pooh after he had stuck his paw in the honey jar…accept it was humus. Humus on the floor, humus on the cupboards, humus in the fridge…it was hu-mess for sure! And then, this kid just turned and looked at us, lifted her hands up as if saying “What?” and then trying to continue on her garlicy, chickpea feast.
Like well-trained parenting pros, we went right into damage control mode. I started the bath and took the disgusting mess upstairs to be cleaned, while my wife tackled cleanup of another type. Seriously…this kid. I gave her a hug and kiss before nap time and she still smelled like garlic. One positive is that there aren’t going to be any vampires going after that kid anytime soon!
Adventures of Offspring 