Force Fields

Follow up day and we could feel it.  We dropped the little one off with Grandma and were on our way.  The drive to the clinic was a fairly quiet one, as both of us were rather anxious about the news we were driving toward.  Is my force field finally in check?  If not, will they cancel the cycle?  The past few days I have been going back and forth on this.  It was a lot of pressure since it was my uterus that was up!  It needed to shine!  The crappy thing was that there really wasn’t a darn thing I could do about it.  Just take the meds that I was given and cross my fingers…Not so good for this A-type personality who likes to have at least a little control.  However, I came to terms with it and decided to embrace the suck.  I had to trust the system and I saw it as a good sign that our doc was going to be there for the update.  My wife on the other hand…doesn’t enjoy stress that much and was not in the mood for talking until we knew whether we could breath or not.

The moment we got there, my stress levels dropped.  I knew the ball was no longer in my court and all I had to do is show up.  That was perfect because showing up is what I do best 🙂  I went in for my blood test and in common practice, a conversation was started.  The nurse asked about the eagle behind the portrait on my arm, and then it moved into to a conversation about spirit animals and various pieces of art that honors them.  I told a story about the blanket that I was wrapped in by my community as a farewell before the move.  I showed the pics and talked about how beautiful the blanket was and how honored I was that it was a bear.  I explained that the bear symbolized strength and confidence, while also standing against adversity.  As I said this I paused and smiled before saying that the bear also provides a grounding force, similar to what I was feeling at that moment.  It’s hard to explain, but it was as if I felt the support of my community as I told the story and I was happy to have them with me.

I went back out to the waiting room and got a confused look from my wife as we definitely took longer than usual.  Her curiosity quickly turned to understanding the moment I said I was just chatting.  She rolled her eyes and smiled.  Of course!  She’s working on an ulcer as she stresses out in the waiting room and I’m off chatting away.  Typical Sue!

We were called in for the fun prodding shortly after.  I was battling zombies at the time on my phone, and didn’t want to stop, so I kind of looked like a teenager as I followed the nurse with phone in hand.  Luckily I am a multi-tasking pro, so I didn’t miss a beat as I had to confirm my last name and DOB while en route.  By the time we got to the back where I had to drop my drawers, I had taken care of the zombies and was ready to make some babies.  Let’s do this!

We were called in fairly quickly and the doc was happy to see us.  We got straight to it and were not disappointed.  The force field was in check and ready to roll!  My wife was able to breath for the first time in the past five days and I swear she couldn’t decide if she wanted to smile or throw up.  I laughed because this was just one more example of how I perform well under pressure 😉  Apparently my uterus just wanted to make us sweat a little.  My wife and I were not quite in listening mode at the end, but knew that we needed to go get the next round of meds, and I knew that there was the possibility of a different kind of suck to embrace.  One piece of info that was crucial to hear was that the transfer day was set for the following Wednesday.  Spaghetti was  going to be thrown on the wall and then we would have a two week wait to see if it stuck.  We were pumped!  All I had to do now was throw my pants back on and head to the pharmacy.

Walking to the pharmacy, it was hopping!  My favorite pharmacist (only because she puts up with me) happened to be working.  While waiting for my marching orders, I started talking it up with a couple of ladies that were also waiting.  The one mentioned a small town that we used drive through all the time.  I let her know that apparently there is some die hard poutine at this tiny little restaurant there.  That spurred road trip stories and then we were talking the logistics of knocking all these hormones out on the road.  I looked back and saw that my wife was talking to the pharmacist and there was an instruction sheet with an ass shot on it.  At that point, I figured it was best to pay attention.  Turns out, that ass diagram was to show us where to stick the dramatically larger needle that was needed for this round.  Positives?  Well, at least I only had to do it once every 3 days, as opposed to 3 times in one day like before.  The not so positive part is that if (WHEN!) we get a positive, I need to keep doing the giant shots until week 10!  Oh yeah, and it is mixed with oil, so it is super thick and hard to shove into whatever poor muscle has to take one for the team.  This kid has no idea how much I’m going to hold this stuff over their head.  Oh, you don’t want to clean your room?  Well I didn’t exactly want to shove a giant needle in my ass for several months, so deal!  Yeah, I got some good leverage going on here 🙂  Nevermind the hoohah pills that needed to be taken three times a day, also until the end of time (10 week mark).  This was a new form of suck, but I would learn to embrace it.  For the record, I can embrace it while still complaining about it.  I would seek help for any woman that didn’t complain about it, really….but I digress.

This was it.  We got the green light and now we just had to wait.  My job was to keep my force field intact and to survive the slow torture of the meds I had to endure.  I would take a 20 km ruck march every morning until week 10 instead, but unfortunately the doc would not entertain the trade.  Next time maybe.



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