It’s been a while now and I have reviewed all the information absorbed to date and not once did anyone mention squirters. Like really… doesn’t that sound like something that someone should be given a heads up about. On the plus side, I get to have fun while you try and figure out what crazy shizzle I’m talking about. Come on now, give me the little things! For the squeamish ones, I say read on with caution.
It’s been a few weeks of these PIO shots and I am getting used to the giant pokey sticks. That doesn’t mean that there haven’t been some learning curves to bend through along the way. One of these lovely shot days came during a visit at my brother-in-law’s place. We mentioned that we had to go stick a needle in my butt and received a couple cringing faces. I think this was our second or third round, so we were still warming up. All was going as planned, I threw it in, and my wife took over. I cussed it out for a moment because this one stung for some reason. Well, we figured out the cause shortly after.
We thought we had this, the syringe was empty and it was time to pull that bastard of a needle. My wife pulled it out and it was immediately followed by a lively stream of blood that lightly squirted to the ground. Of course, if you ask my wife she would tell you that she witnessed a major arterial bleed. As I calmly covered the spot with my finger, she was staring at me with giant eyes and an open mouth, as if I had severed a limb right in front of her.
“Um, can you grab something to help me stop the bleeding?” It was clear that one of us worked in an industry that includes the occasional sight of blood, and the other, not so much. After a moment to digest she grabbed the closest thing to her which was tissue paper. Now, I didn’t know the extent of what was going on yet, but I knew that tissue was not going to be good if it didn’t stop right away. I politely asked for her to grab something a little more substantial please, and we got a cloth. Luckily, it was all good and it was under control in no time. This was good, because I needed to get my wife back down from the ceiling.
After I convinced my wife that I was not going to die, I had to also convince her that it was all good. “Should we stick you again?” she said. “Uh… No!”. I am all for not screwing this stuff up, but there was no way that I was going to voluntarily do that again back to back. Instead, I quickly cleaned up the crime scene and convinced her that I would call the nurse to double check.
Now, I’m not the most high maintenance person. I have been fully aware of the “emergency” line throughout, but I never thought I would have to use it. I dreaded that I was doing it, but I made the call. I got the voicemail. “Blah, blah, blah leave a message…” but at the very end it sounded like the phone dropped or something and then what I swear was an “oh shit!” right before the beep. This of course left my in laughter at the beginning of my message which is always a good sign that you are making an “emergency” call. Yeah, I was starting off on a good note. I don’t remember the exact but the rest was something like this.
Hey, it’s Sue… so we were doing my shot this evening and when I pulled the bloody thing out, it kind of lived up to its name. There was a stream of blood that assisted in the bathroom décor. I’m fine, no shortness of breath, amputations or decapitations so far this evening, but my wife is feeling a little faint. Just curious if the shot can come out with the blood, is this a thing and I need to torture myself again this evening. If you could call me back that would be swell. Bye!
And we wait… at least I thought we were going into sit and wait mode, but luckily my wife asked that I pose the question to the Facebook support pages. I guess a page full of hundreds of people who have gone through this is as good as any to ask about my “emergency.” Sure enough, within a few minutes we were flooded with replies and reassurances that “squirters” are totally normal. A short time later I got a call from one of my favorite nurses who confirmed it… I wasn’t dying, boom! Good to know. She told me that I can call the emergency line any time since I always leave the most amusing messages. It was at that time, I suggested she review the incoming greeting to see if I am going crazy about the cuss bomb at the end. Mission accepted! I told her that I wouldn’t bother her again that night. We had priorities, we were going to Vegas in the morning after all. The call ended with the same laughter that started this all and we were deemed the best couple ever and she wished more were as awesome as us. Duh? Hahahaha
I’m happy to report that we have had no squires, or amputations since 😉 Peace out!
Adventures of Offspring 